And We're Back!

Success isn't all it is cracked up to be, but homelessness sure is.

After a year long hiatus from modern conveniences like money, food, shelter, blogs, and family, I have decided to resume my passion to teach you amateur eaters about the fine art of food building.  And it truly is an artform, like a Thomas Kinkade alcohol-fueled pastoral still-nude.

While living exclusively out of modern waste receptacles I developed a lot of ideas about how to make common foods (and not quite foods) edible, as well as created some special signature dishes that will not only blow your budget, but also your stomach's dick.

Stay tuned for recipes for barbecued scrambled eggs, hard-boiled ham steaks (and for you raw food enthusiasts; raw biscuits with raw gravy sprinkles).

BBQ SCRAMBLED EGGS

HARD-BOILED HAM STEAKS

RAW BISCUITS WITH RAW GRAVY

Romantic Family Dinner

Taking requests

I suck dick at cooking…

…so if you would like to see me humiliate myself publicly trying to recreate a favorite recipe, or one you are curious about but don’t have the courage or means to try, post it in the comments.  Good, bad or ruined I will document the process and aftermath on here.

I only have a few rules:

HAS TO BE EDIBLE: And I don’t just mean technically edible either.  I am not going to make a jizz omelet (again) or a dog shit sandwich.

NOTHING OVERLY COMPLICATED:  I do enjoy a challenge but I don’t want to get involved in food science and fancy appliances.  Indian food is about as adventurous as I care to get.

NO EXOTIC MEATS OR INGREDIENTS: Bald Eagle Stew, for instance, is not going to happen (and not because it isn’t delicious).  If I can’t find the ingredients via normal means, i.e. grocery store, Amazon, etc, I am not going to bother.  I am not wealthy or resourceful and I have no idea where the black market even is.

I regret this already.

I Am Unhealthy

I hate food with a passion.

Get Your Dick Out Of My Food Blog