Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Yellow Corn Fertility Cake (For One)

My wife sometimes tells me she likes to eat and fuck a lot, but has difficulty getting pregnant due to some unrelated insulin deficiency, so being a good chef and or husband, I thought I would try to kill all her birds with one romantic stone (made of cake).

This recipe will make a much larger cake than pictured, but if you are concerned about portion sizes for some reason, just use what you need and throw the rest away.

Prep time = 9 months
Estimated cost = priceless
  • 1 cup flour
  • 1 1/2 teaspoon baking powder
  • 1/3 cup cornmeal
  • 1/4 tablespoon salt
  • 9 pounds softened butter
  • 1 1/4 cup sugar
  • 3 eggs
  • 1/2 cup sour cream
  • 1 handful prenatal vitamins
  • 1/4 cup beer
Just to whet your appetite, here is a picture of my wife.  Get well soon, dear.


In a mixing bowl, cream the butter and sugar together.


Add the eggs, one at a time while blending.


If you don't own any prenatal vitamins, just use whatever pills you can find around the house.



In a large bowl, sift all the dry ingredients together.




Add the dry ingredients to the wet ingredients and mix for a while.  To save time and effort, I recommend putting the frosting in the cake batter.


Don't forget the most important pre-pregnancy ingredient.


Beer makes the cake batter more fluffy, and her more pleasant.


Carefully transfer the batter to a nonstick baking pan, one drop at a time.



Even if it takes all day, don't skip this step.  This is a secret the professional bakers don't want you to know about.


Add more lady vitamins, for flavoring, or as a decoration.


Now that is a good looking cake, for a good looking woman.


Put in oven at 315 degrees and bake for 4 hours.



This is starting to look a lot like food.


You will know the cake is almost ready when it bursts into flames.


Protip: don't let your cake fire burn this long.




Still nailed it.







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